Baby P's due date Nov 20th.....

I was so excited to be pregnant, and really I was very fortunate. I was never sick, I gained very little weight, and all in all I considered myself to be very lucky . We were coming into summer though, and I knew the warm months ahead might start to make things a tad uncomfortable. We had met with our family doctor, and she had wanted us to consider having the testing for Down Syndrome ( because of my age ) . It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time, but honestly if I could go back and redo it, I would have never had it done...for 2 reasons, it would not have changed our feelings about this baby, and simply because, I put myself through unnecessary worry....the constant "what if "...was just not worth it. As it turned out, everything with the test came back negative, and the pregnancy moved on. What I do want to say to anyone who maybe reading this...please NEVER doubt yourself in your pregnancy...if something feels wrong, please don't wait to seek help..NO question is a dumb one, and NEVER let anyone make you feel like you are overreacting !!! I did to some degree and sometimes I wonder if it started the chain of events that were about to unfold....
I sometimes wonder just how much I should share on this blog, but if I want to reach out to people who are  going through similar things...I want to be as honest and open as I can ...so I apologize in advance if I am a bit too detailed...lol

And baby makes 3....in 9 months right ?

Mid March of 2010, we headed off for a weekend away with some friends, and we had a fantastic time !! By the time we got home, something was feeling just a bit different, my period hadn't come, and I knew the next logical step to that was to take a pregnancy test. A trip to the drug store, a pee later, and what I had staring back at me were 2 perfectly straight little lines....they may as well have been shouting "you're pregnant" right at me !!! I think I sat there for about 20 minutes staring at this little piece of plastic I had just peed on....I mean obviously I was excited, but in that excitement I will admit to a bit ( ok a lot ) of fear as well !!!!  I remember calling Dave at work, and a couple of girlfriends right away ..this was going to be THE HARDEST thing to keep from people...I wanted to tell the world, I didn't want to wait the 3 months they suggest..that seemed like an eternity !!! Of course both of our parents were very excited..mine maybe even more, considering I am an only child and at 35, my parents were beginning to give up on the idea that they would ever be grandparents...lol. As I sit here now, thinking back on everything, it's the silliest,and most vain thing ever ( considering what we were soon to go through )....I remember thinking..."PERFECT....this little person will be born sometime before Christmas, giving me all the time in the world to fit back into my summer clothes again" !!!! That makes me feel soooooo guilty now !!! Guilt is something that doesn't go away, even though I know there was NOTHING we could have done differently, but as a mom, when you're unable to carry your baby to term, guilt is just a feeling that is automatic......

Life....after marriage, before parenthood....

For all of you reading this, it's important to know that we want this to be about our family's story, Liam's story more importantly. However, before we became 3 , Dave & I were dealt a fairly big blow as newlyweds, something I think is important to share. About 2 months after our wedding, I woke up one day with tingly toes. Tingly toes turned into numb feet, which eventually started affecting other parts of my body. Life continued on as normal for a few weeks, but I couldn't shake the notion that something just wasn't right. Whenever I had a chance I would GOOGLE every symptom, and pour over article after article of what these symptoms could actually be....let's just say I wasn't liking what I was discovering. There was a VERY REAL possibility that what these symptoms were, were signs of Multiple Sclerosis !!! Well, as anyone out there who has faced an illness or a disease, we've all said to ourselves "that can't possibly happen to ME...that happens to OTHER people". Unfortunately, it was happening to me, and I didn't even know it yet !!! I tried to busy myself with work, but the numbness, the fatigue, were a constant reminder that something was going on, and it was time to see my doctor. Growing up, I was always a pretty healthy kid, and my doctor knew that, and she was very unwilling to accept the fact that there was a possibilty that I could be facing something so serious. She said I was fine, and sent me off with a few sample packages of different medications to try to curb the numbness. Needless to say none of those worked, and before long I was back in her office begging for her to do something more. Fast forward a few months ( what felt like years to me ), and I was finally offered a date for an MRI. For anyone that is familiar with MS, it can be a very lengthy disease to diagnose....patience is not my greatest virtue...lol !!! Waiting for the results of the MRI was like torture...no one wants to be told they have an incurable disease, but the thought of not knowing what is wrong with you isn't comforting either. In early 2010, I was UNOFFICIALLY diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis , and it was by far the worst day of my life. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, but as I said earlier, the thought of not knowing was just as terrifying. So, now what....to have a baby or not ? We were told that becoming pregnant was still very much an option, in fact it could actually help alleviate some of the symptoms, and since I was not on any medications at this point we were told the next little while would be a good time to try. Marriage, Multiple Sclerosis and babies....WOW !

Where our story begins....

I could start our story by telling you that we had a perfect life, a perfect marriage, a perfect pregnancy, but let's get real, life as great as it can be is full of challenges, and we were no exception to that. Dave and I met in 2004, and just like everyone else, we looked forward to a future that hopefully included settling down, marriage and eventually having children. We both knew we wanted children ( other than the 4 legged kind..lol )We didn't talk about it a lot...I guess we just knew it would happen some day. We were married Sept 26th, 2009. It was everything the day should be, we just had no idea how the next 2 years were about to take shape.......

A newbie to the world of blogging....

I've toyed with the idea of blogging for some time now. Sharing our story didn't seem right until now, until we were ready to put the words down for someone else to read. In doing this, I look forward to sharing many stories with old friends and new, and hopefully our story can help someone else who may just be starting down that very long and sometimes frightening world of the NICU. Let me just say, that a year has passed since our journey began, so our details may not be down to each hour and minute, but we hope you'll enjoy Liam's story.