We are home !!!!!

2 more days in the hospital, and we could have reached the 100 day ( in total ) mark !!! Liam better not be saving 2 more days for another trip to the hospital anytime soon !!!!
Here's a quick rundown of our hospital visit....lol !!! Liam had picked up a bit of a bug somewhere along the way in the last few weeks, but after a course of antibiotics, we were pretty confident we had nipped those little cooties !!! On the 16th, Liam started getting a bit of a cough again, but I didn't think much of it until the next day. He started getting kind of raspy and a bit wheezy. Being the paranoid freak I am, I texted my most amazing friend  ( lol )to ask her what she thought. I texted her, because I knew she wouldn't make me feel like a paranoid freak, and she would tell me to do exactly what my gut was already telling me to do...take him to the ER. So, I bundled him all up, and we headed off to the hospital. I'm sure at this point Liam was thinking..."sweet, she's not putting me to bed !!"  We were seen by the Triage nurse who assessed his visit as a 3.....1 being the highest priority, 5 being the lowest.  The waiting room was FULL of people , but they took him right in to assess his breathing. I thought by some miracle we had been lucky enough to skip to the front of the line, but I should have known better !!! They gave Liam a round of ventolin, and sent us back out into the waiting room.  UGH !!! The hours passed, and soon I found out that the wait that night was around 5 or 6 hours !!!! Liam started to fall asleep, so I explained to the Triage nurse that we were just going to go home. I knew she felt bad, but there was nothing she could do at that point. At around 3 in the morning things started to take a turn for the worse...Liam had spiked a fever, his breathing was very laboured...so I decided to call this time to find out if they could see us right away . Sure enough, there was no wait, and they told us to head back. We were shown to a bed right away, and they ran some tests, gave him another round of ventolin, prescribed a puffer, and a few hours later we were sent home. I was satisfied with the care we received, and thought that this was the end to a very long couple of nights. Oh, how wrong I was..lol !!!!
By Wednesday morning, guess where we were ?!?! Yup, the ER !!!
I have to say, we encountered some pretty interesting characters over the few days in and out of the ER. There was a crazy drunk guy, who knew every nurse by name, and was later arrested and taken away . There was another crazy guy ..this one high..who absolutely lost his mind when the paramedics asked him if he had HIV or Hepatitis, and then eventually bolted when he found out "some guy" answered the phone in his room at the pay by week motel !!! I get angry when I realize these are the people that are priority 1, because they were brought in by ambulance...when there is a waiting room full of people with real medical needs waiting to be seen !!!!
Anyways...lol...Wednesday morning had us back in the ER, and Liam was really struggling to breathe, the coughing was worse, his temp was high, and I just had a funny feeling that we were dealing with RSV !!! (Respiratory Syncytial Virus , for those who aren't familiar with it ) It can be something common like a cold in adults, but for very young children , especially preemies, it can make them very sick.  He was no longer wetting diapers, and obviously that was a concern, as it was a sign that he was becoming dehydrated. He just wanted to snuggle, and sleep. Liam is a busy baby, and he has never been an overly snuggly baby, so I knew this was serious. We waited for the on call paediatrician, and within a few minutes, we were told we were going to be admitted. I was happy, I did not want to be sent home, this is where he needed to be.
After 4 unsuccessful tries at an IV, they were finally able to get one. It took A LOT of sucrose to get him to calm down. Due to RSV being highly contagious we were given our own room...nothing like a big sign on the door warning people the cooties are flying !!!!
We were taken care of so well during our stay. The nurses and doctors were amazing, and so wonderful to our family !!! We stayed at night with Liam..taking turns where possible, but it was still so exhausting. They were not happy with his oxygen levels, so unfortunately put him back on low flow. I'm pretty sure he was less than thrilled to have those nasal prongs stuck up his nose once again, but that little bit of o2 did the trick !!!
Anyways, this post has been  WAY longer than I wanted it to be.....so we are home now...with our very own ventolin machine..woohoo !!! Liam is feeling so much better, and we are keeping our fingers crossed that he will be approved for the RSV shots this year. The original answer was no, but I think this little trip to the hospital will change that to a yes !!!

Just a quick update.....

I've really been enjoying share our journey....and even if it only touches a few people, I feel as though I may be helping a new mom or dad out there !! I haven't been posting lately, our little man is in the hospital with RSV. As soon as he is home and feeling better, I will continue our story !! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend !!! xoxo

It's a boy....1 lb 8oz !!!

Our lives changed dramatically in the next 2 hours. The decision was made to head down to delivery, and there was no question that this had to be a caesarean section. A breech, preterm infant did not stand a very good chance being delivered vaginally.
Dave, had been at home, when he got the phone call to head back to London, that this little person was coming sooner rather than later. I can't even imagine what the drive in was like for him....I just wanted him with me. Due to my MS, the anesthesiologist came to me, explaining that there were possible risks for a flare up with the injection of the spinal. All I knew at that precise moment in time was that, there was no other option than a c-section, and I surely wasn't having it without a spinal !!!
I think somewhere in my mind, I hadn't fully accepted what  was happening...I kept thinking this will  all stop, the bleeding will stop, the pain will stop, and it will all be just a really bad dream.  It wasn't a dream, and it didn't stop.
I had my legs swung over the side of the table, blood literally gushing on the doctor's feet, when I heard them say that Dave had just arrived, and they were getting him ready to come in the operating room.
I couldn't stop apologizing to this poor woman I was bleeding all over, and I couldn't stop bawling my eyes out !!!! I don't think I have ever cried so much in my entire life !!! I was so relieved to see Dave, he manages to always maintain this sense of calm, even in the most dire of situations, and I needed that at that moment.
The spinal was administered, the sheet went up, and from that point on I couldn't even move a toe...thank god !!!!
At this stage, we had never had the tour of the NICU, and we had never had a chance to speak to anyone about what a 24 weeker would face. We didn't know if this baby would stand a chance at a normal life, much less survive. We didn't know what this baby would look like, would it be a boy or a girl, would they be able to do everything in their power to save it....not resuscitating was not even an option !!!
There was tugging, and stretching...and the tears kept flowing !!! Dave stroked my hair, wiped my tears, and kept telling me everything would be okay....he was honestly my rock at that moment in time.
We knew we weren't going to be able to see the baby, that he or she would be whisked away to the NICU. At 12:38 on August 5th 2010, we became parents to a little boy, who weighed 1 lb 8 oz, was 12 inches long, and who peed the moment they pulled his teeny tiny little body out of me !!!

Week 24, day 5

Up until now, I've tried to keep the posts fairly light, and hopefully a bit humorous to anyone out there who may be reading. This is where the story takes on a more serious tone.. As I mentioned in a previous post, there are elements to what happened that I know I've shut out, but I will do my best.....
I shuffled off to the bathroom for a second visit, and what happened next was probably the scariest moment of my life !!! I lifted up my gown, and what I saw was blood literally gushing down both my legs. I remember standing there, frozen in absolute terror !!! What the hell was happening ?? I knew this was beyond serious.....I had 2 options, to run out of there and ask my roomates to get me help, or to pull the little string that was next to the toilet. I pulled the string, and the next thing I knew there were a swarm of people rushing back to our room. Everyone was asking a million questions, all the while trying to help me get back to my bed as carefully as they could. Dr. C who was still doing rounds, and fortunately close by, came running back to see what was happening. They whipped the curtain around my bed, and said that at this point an internal exam was going to be necessary...they didn't have a choice. The verdict.....5cm dilated, and baby right there !!!! This baby was coming, and there was nothing we could do about it.....week 24 day 5.

Don't strain !!!

Thursday morning started out like any other....breakfast in bed (lol), and the usual "count the kicks" chart the nurses would give us every day. I was beginning to get so sick of laying around in bed... there were only so many magazines and books to read....tv and phone cost a small fortune, bottom line it was just boring !!!
That morning, I finally convinced my nurse to let me use the washroom....she told me not to strain (REALLY?!) and shoved a People magazine in my hand, and told me to take my time...lol. I obliged, any time spent out of my bed , toilet or not, was going to be something new for the day !!!
I had been feeling a bit crampy that morning, but took little notice of it, simply due to the fact that I hadn't been able to use the bathroom for days.
Dr. C came around to do her rounds, and asked how we were all feeling. I explained the cramps I was feeling, but neither one of us was concerned. She asked me a few more questions, was obviously satisfied with the answers I was giving her, and was off to continue her rounds. A few minutes later, I decided to try and visit the bathroom again....iv pole in hand, clutching the back of my gown, I truly must have been a sight !!!
What happened next would forever change everything as we knew it !!!!!!

New roomates !!!!

The next morning, when they saw that I was feeling better, they administered the second round of steroids, and decided I was stable enough to be moved to Antenatal. We packed up our bags, and they wheeled us down to our new room. When we got there, there were already two girls tucked away in their beds....it was crazy to think that all these women in this area were having different problems with their pregnancies !!! The idea that women had perfect pregnancies, and went home with perfect, robust babies was starting to fall to pieces in my mind.
My roomates J & L turned out to be the most beautiful women...a second pregnancy for J, and a first for L. We shared our stories, and were prepared that this could be a long haul for all of us. We agonized over our meal choices ( yes, this quickly became the highlight of our day...lol ) , met each others families, and prayed for our babies to be ok !!!
There were a steady stream of family members and friends coming to visit us each day, bringing us fun things to help pass the days.....the Drs came to us asking if we would like a tour of the NICU, and of course we said yes !!! Unfortunately, that never happened...every time they tried to coordinate something for us, it ended up being too busy in the NICU, something that frustrated me at the time, but that I can totally appreciate now. I don't think it would have lessened the fear and anxiety we felt walking through those doors everyday anyways .
Another fairly good sleep, and we both realized, we had made it through 1 more day !!! I was scheduled for an ultrasound that day, and it was then that they discovered that baby "P" was breech......super !!!! I was told that it was not uncommon for baby to be flipped that way at this stage, however most people aren't 3cm dilated at 24 weeks with a baby in breech position....ughhhh !!!
I was still banned from using the bathroom....but eating again at this point, so I was terrified to eat too much....I had conquered peeing in the bedpan, but that was as far as I was taking it !!!! I had roomates and a curtain separating us.....poor girls !!! I will always remember my nurse that last night before Liam was born. I had called for her, thinking for sure that I had missed the bed pan, my sheets and gown felt wet. She kept trying to tell me I was sweaty...lol....we went back and forth for a few minutes with this conversation, and here I am admitting that I did indeed pee in my bed !!!!

Bedrest & bedpans....

Thanks to some fairly pleasant medications, I was able to get a good nights sleep, despite not being able to move around too much. By this point both of our families had arrived at the hospital, both completely at a loss for words, but they tried to say and do all of the right things, as much as you can in a situation like this.
At this point there wasn't really too much happening, the baby's heartbeat was still strong, and for now I was still 3 cm dilated...it hadn't gotten worse. I was still in the same room, and they had been allowing me to use the bathroom by myself, but when they saw that the bleeding had not subsided, they decided that I had just used up my last bathroom pass !!! It was to be strict bedrest from that point forward, and they handed me a plastic bedpan .....say what !? Let me just say, that at that particular moment I vowed never to "have to go" ever again !!!! I remember looking at the nurse, and saying REALLY !?....you want me to use THAT !? The answer was simply YES. By this point in time, I had lost my bathroom privileges, I hadn't eaten since breakfast the day before, as they were worried that I would get sick....and now I was confined to this bed !! Good Grief !!! Bring on the laptop, and some movies....it's going to be a LONG day !!!

What is happening ??

When I think back to the ambulance ride, I was actually pretty calm...panic hadn't set in yet, but I had a fabulous nurse as a distraction, and I spent most of my time ( in between contractions ) looking out the back window watching to make sure Dave was still behind us.  By the time we got to the hospital though, panic had officially set in !!! There were a lot of tears, a lot of pain, and a lot of unanswered questions . I've sat and talked to a very dear friend about this ( she has 3 miracle babies of her own ) , and I know that I've blocked a lot of my memories of those first few days. Maybe it's the trauma, I'm not sure....but sometimes when I try to remember certain things I just can't.
What happened over the next 24 hours was just a blur. We were wheeled into a room, with what seemed like a million people there just waiting to examine me. And examined I was...over and over again, until someone decided that maybe all the examining wasn't helping this situation !!! They said that I was 3 cm dilated, and they were very honest and frank about the fact that this was probably not going to go in our favour. They hooked me up to a fetal heart monitor, where baby P's heart rate was very strong - some good news, FINALLY !!!! They hooked me up to this machine, and that machine, they gave me my first round of steroids to help the babys' lungs should he/she be born in the next 24 hours. They came to me wanting to administer a suppository that would help in slowing down the labour......but I made it VERY clear that I would be administering this suppository myself !! Enough with the violations for the day, thank you !!!
Well, eventually everything began to calm down, the contractions were lessening, and all in all they were fairly happy with the fact that the baby was still where it needed to be. By this point we knew how important even one extra day meant to the survival of this baby. We were right at day 1 of the 24th week....we could only pray that we could make it to day 2 !!!

Graham's Foundation - Supporting Parents of Micro Preemies

I'm posting this video a little sooner than I had planned in the blog, but it seems fairly relevant at this part in our story. We were introduced to Graham's Foundation through very dear friends, who made a day in the NICU a little brighter...more about that later !!

Contractions, dilating.....pardon me ??!!

I have to say that even now when I look back on everything, and everything that was about to happen, I NEVER in a million years thought we were about to be faced with delivering a VERY preterm baby.
We ended back at our local hospital, and decided to wait it out this time. I mean, I figured it was something that definitely needed to be addressed, BUT that they would send me on my way after and tell me to put my feet up. An hour later, I was finally shown to an exam room while we waited for a doctor and nurse to come and exam me. The pain over the last hour in the waiting room, and up until now, was definitely intensifying, but again, having that I had never had a baby before, I didn't know what it was. They asked me to explain where it hurt, how long the pain was lasting......I could tell by their tone and cryptic conversations that this was serious. I was asked to undress, and there I had what was one of the first of many internal exams to come....I can laugh now, because all of my girlfriends that had had babies before me, had already warned me that whatever dignity you had going in to have a baby, was suddenly non existent. I have to say in my case this was never more true !!! The doctor and nurse left the room shortly thereafter, leaving Dave & I to stare at each other in disbelief...what the hell was happening ?? He tried so hard to comfort me, but I know he must have been dying on the inside too.
What seemed like an eternity later, the doctor and nurse came back to see us....what was happening was no longer a mystery, this baby was coming !!! The pain was the start of contractions, and upon examination, I was already 3cm dilated !!! Isn't that process supposed to take HOURS and at 40 weeks !?!? They had been on the phone with the hospital in London which was home to an excellent perinatal unit and more importantly a Level 3 NICU, which we were going to need if Baby P persisted !!! Long story short, they were finally able to find a spot for me there ( otherwise, we were perhaps looking at Detroit ) and faster than we could make any phone calls, or pack any bags, I was on my way, in an ambulance.....with my poor husband trying to keep up in the car behind us....was this really happening ?!?!

23 weeks down...17 to go !!!!

Well, as you can see by the title, we were just heading into week 24. The countdown was on, ideas for a nursery theme were in full swing, names were being jotted down on little scrap pieces of paper, and the reality of the pregnancy was upon us, as the baby bump was beginning to grow at an obvious pace. There was definitely no turning back now...lol, but we were both so excited, and this was something so special for us to share.
We had decided to have a bit of an impromptu BBQ with some friends on the Sunday of the August long weekend, so I spent the day running back and forth between the grocery store and dollar store, getting everything that we would need. It was shortly before everyone was set to arrive, that I started feeling a bit tired, and a bit crampy, but honestly, I just figured I had taken on too much for the day and it was time to put my feet up. The feeling didn't stick around , and we had a great time !!!
The next morning, I woke up feeling a bit crappy again, only this time, it was more of that dull achy *period* pain ...and I thought it was nothing a nice warm bath wouldn't cure. I started running the bath, and ( here we go with the too much info part, so my apologies in advance )...had a quick pee, and when I went to wipe there was a bit too much blood for my liking, so a few tearful sobs later we were on our way to the hospital ...( small town hospital that does not deliver babies ), to see what was causing this. When we got there, there were a million people ahead of us, and I convinced Dave it was nothing, and that I just wanted to go home and rest...so we did. A few episodes of Seinfeld and a nap later, I was up again....and what happened next was something we were not prepared for !!!