Just a quick update on the last 6 months....

I can't wait to get back to sharing our story, but in order to have that story eventually catch up to the present....I need to share a few things. A lot of you who read this blog, are friends from home that I've kept in touch with through Facebook...so many of you already know this....for those who are just moms and dads, living your own journey of miracle babies, and the scary world of prematurity....I am actually a single mom now....it's been a long road in itself...but Liam has a great dad, and we both want only the best for our little miracle (..... monster may be more applicable these days..lol ) We continue to share in our roles as parents, and remain friends.
On a happier note, I have started dating a great guy...he is so wonderful with Liam, and I can't wait for them to share all those fun "boy adventures" together !!!
In August we moved out to the country, where Liam has so much space to play and roam around. Of course he has his moments where I want to sell him to the gypsies ( is that legal ?? ) but we have so much fun together !!! He's so curious, and fun....he loves to chase the cats (screaming cat cat at the top of his lungs ) looking back at me wondering why they are running for their lives...lol !! He is talking a little more everyday...I laugh because I tell everyone he has 5 really clear words....are you ready for this ??? BUM, BOOBIES,PEE,DIRTY and POO !!! What a boy he is !!! He is 25 pounds now...and has crazy curly hair (that his mother keeps short ) WHY ??? WHY, did he have to have curly hair...why couldn't he have his fathers hair ??! Anyways, all in all, life is pretty good.....back to the story !!!
PS...quick funny from the other day ( on how his little brain works ) I tried to get him to help me pick up the pinecones in the yard....epic failure...as he told me that it was POO !!!

Has it really been 6 months !?!

I can't even believe it's been 6 months since I last blogged !!! I have no excuse for such laziness.....oh wait I do !!! His name is Liam, and even though he's the light of my life, he's no longer mommy's little snuggler....he's a toddler...yes, a toddler, in the throes of the terrible twos !!! He bites, and hits, and screams (usually only in public, where others stare at the horrible parent who can't control her child..lol )
I'm excited to start blogging again, and hope that everyone will continue to enjoy Liam's story !!!

Holding Liam....& a very first poop !!!

What a title !!! I know one day, I will be in big trouble for all the naked pictures, and descriptive blogging, but for now..what he doesn't know won't hurt him...lol !!!
The first week or so, was really spent trying to figure out what kind of course Liam was going to take. No one would sit down and tell us if the outcome would be good or bad...only time would tell. Just as every extra day that I was able to carry him was important..so were the "uneventful days" of the NICU. On days where they thought they could push a baby a little further, they would try..and Liam was no exception. As they felt he was doing better, they would see if he could handle a lower rate of ventilation..but that wasn't always the case, so they would monitor him very closely.
We hadn't been able to hold Liam at this point, he was now 6 days old. I'll admit I was dying to hold him...but utterly terrified at the idea as well. Up until then I was nervous if someone handed me a 7lb newborn baby...realistically how do you hold a 1 lb 8 oz baby !?!
Liam, was in a Giraffe Omni Bed...a incubator that costs more than most cars....it helped maintain a constant temperature...weigh him...do almost everything, so as to a ) avoid as little interruption as possible, and b) really try to recreate a sense of the womb for a baby born too soon. When we arrived at the hospital that day...Liam's nurse gave us a rundown of his day andfor the first time allowed us to touch him with the bed open. I was excited, but terrified thinking about all the cooties flying through the air ( ya, I'm a dork ). We were able to really see him....what an amazing feeling !!! As it turned out, Liam had his very first poop while we were there....yes, proud mom moment !!!! His nurse thought it would be a great time to get our little man all cleaned up, and give him nice fresh bedding..so she asked if I would hold him. I remember looking at her in sheer horror, and actually telling her "NO WAY" . She just smiled at me and said "you can do it".....so she changed him, and carefully lifted all the wires and tubes, and asked me to hold my two hands out. As gently as she picked him, she placed his head in the palm of my hand, and his lower half in the other....I think I forgot to breathe for a moment....I wish I could explain the feeling !!! No, it wasn't a snuggle or anything like that, but it was still AMAZING !!!! It only lasted a minute or so, as you have to move very fast, as to keep them warm..so before I knew it he was back in his bed, but I will never forget it for as long as I live .....

It's been a while ....

I realized tonight just how long it's been since I've blogged !!! Life with a toddler is a BIT hectic.....that may be an  understatement, and I'm probably a bit whiny...compared to my girlfriends who get through their days with 2 or 3 monkeys....some with 5 !!! ( you know who you are SUPERMOM !!! ) There are days, I want to hide in the closet with a bottle of wine...I just don't know how you all do it !!! These days, I spend most of my time refilling the toilet paper , as Liam's new favourite past time is unrolling the roll of toilet paper..and REALLY...do I want to spend my free time rolling it back up !?!? And, when he isn't doing that, were now throwing ourselves to the ground and kicking our feet as soon as the word "NO" is uttered, or dinner can't consist of cookies and pudding !!! Why, oh why is everyone that's been there before us ALWAYS right !?!? Why do they grow up so fast !?!
Other than that though, Liam is doing so so well !!! He is now 23 lbs 15 oz...has a few more strands of hair...and five gleaming white teeth ( yes, he has used them on me ) He isn't walking quite yet...but he is almost there !! He will walk around pushing a toy, sometimes walk holding my hand..but hasn't quite taken those steps on his own yet. Were anxious for the spring weather to get out and explore, and do all the fun stuff he wasn't quite big enough for last year .
We have lots of fun stuff to share, but in the meantime, I will try to continue our journey from where I left off.......

Just when everything was looking up.....

We'd had a few really positive days, and it really felt like we were on the right track.....too bad no one prepared me for a scene out of ER !!!! When Liam was born, he had an umbilical catheter, two tiny little tubes that were half hidden by his humongous diaper. The goal over the first few days was to take that catheter out and insert a PIC line, which is basically a different IV, usually inserted into a larger vein in the arm or leg. We knew that they had had some difficulty trying to insert this PIC line....but figured that it was just a matter of time. Mind you, it honestly seemed like an impossible task, even for such trained people...how do you find a vein in a 690 gram baby !?!? The staff was great at letting us know if something had changed with Liam, or if he needed something changed to his treatment...if we weren't at the hospital, they ALWAYS made sure to call us at home....although, my heart always stopped when the caller ID would light up Private Name....I was always a bit panic stricken...what if ?! what if something had happened, what if he had stopped breathing, what if he had a seizure...OMG...honestly...how I'm still relatively sane is a good question ( no smart ass comments here please..lol )
I hadn't heard from the hospital that morning, so I assumed that everything was going well ( no new is good news right ?? ) ....I made my way into London...drove the 30 minutes it took to get there...it always felt like it took forever...lol....scrubbed up...and walked into the main unit. I could see that they were working around a baby, and as I made my way to Liam's incubator, I realized they were working on Liam....all I saw was BLOOD...blood all over the place !!!! What in the hell !!!!??? Why had no one called me, and what were they doing !?!?! I just wanted to scream and cry, and grab Liam and run !!!! ( not sure where...lol ) They hadn't let me know that they were going to try the PIC line, because I think they felt confident that they would finally be successful...Liam's veins had another idea !!! It was the most horrific sight ever !!! Needless to say the PIC line was not meant to be for Liam, and his umbilical catheter remained for a while longer.....

The NICU.......

If you're like me, I had really never given much thought to what the NICU was all about. I knew what it's purpose was, and I had known a few people whose babies had been there, but I had never been in one, let alone seen the inside of one. I thought I would write this post...as a way to give everyone an insight as to what that world is like. ( Aside from scary as hell !!! )
The NICU is broken down into 3 levels of care. A level 1 nursery is usually for babies born between 35-37 weeks, who do not require any special monitoring. A level 2, is usually for babies 32 weeks or more, who may need a little more advanced care, and a level 3 ( which is where Liam was ) is for the sickest and smallest of babies, generally babies under 1000gr , that require ventilation.
The doctors in the NICU are called Neonatologists...specifically trained to look after premature infants. I remember being told by one of the other parents, after I had mentioned how we hadn't met many of the doctors...that was exactly the way we wanted it !!! The less you saw a doctor, the better !!!! The Respiratory Therapists are also a vital part of the team, as they are the ones who can intubate a baby, and assess any problems with the lungs and breathing.....BUT in my opinion .....the nurses are generally the most amazing part of the team in the NICU. I sometimes felt as if they knew more than the doctors....they were the ones who spent the most time assessing and taking care of the babies. In Liam's case, he was assigned a Primary nurse and a Core nurse. These 2 AMAZING women followed us through each level of the NICU, all the way until it was time to go home. I will be forever grateful to them....they looked after Liam, like he was one of their own, and we still to this day remain in touch with them.
I remember thinking the NICU was such a strange little world. In the main part of the unit hung this sign, that read QUIET PLEASE...yet it was anything BUT quiet. It's not as if nurses and doctors wandered from baby to baby whispering directions....and never mind the constant beeping of alarms and monitors !!! Babies in the NICU, are generally in incubators. The challenge for the very small babies is to maintain a temperature warm enough for them, and to be able to monitor all vital signs at the same time...so until they can maintain their own temperature, and be at a certain weight, you will see them in these incubators. From there, they will go into small cots and cribs.
When we were first brought to Liam's bedside...I couldn't believe the amount of equipment and how scary all the monitors were. My heart would stop everytime something would beep or an alarm would go off. There has even been an occasion since being out of the NICU that Liam needed to be hooked up to a monitor...and when I heard all the familiar sounds..I burst into tears !!! ( The nurse must of though I was a real whack job !! ) These machines monitor the oxygen level, the heart rate, the blood pressure, the temperature, the respiratory weight...and I'm sure I've missed more ....the other stuff I'll save for my next post.....now that you know ALMOST all about the NICU....

Open your eyes little one........

I haven't blogged in weeks, so I am way behind in our journey. Liam celebrated his 2nd Christmas, a bit on the cranky side....cutting a tooth I think. Now that the holidays are over I hope to catch up on my posts.I can just sit and stare at him forever....absolutely in awe of this little person who has up until now beat all odds. I mean it's not as if, the nurses and doctors were all doom and gloom all the time, they were positive, but realistic...and tried to reinforce that to us.
We had some pretty exciting things happen in our first week !!! I would count the hours until Dave would get home from work....because it meant it was time to go see Liam. Besides, it's not as if I was useful around the house....I could barely get out of the shower myself, let alone pull up my huge granny underwear !! What a nightmare....lol !!! The cats just sat and stared at me, waiting for me to run around with them....they gave up, chasing the balloons we had brought home instead .
We were not able to hold Liam at this point, but we could touch him. I used to wonder if he could sense that we were there. The nurses would tell us yes, but I wonder if that was just for our own benefit. His eyes were still fused shut, but you could see his little forehead moving, you could tell he could hear us....those first few days we watched as his eyes slowly went from being fused, like a baby bird...to him actually working so hard to open them, and then on day 7 he did....he opened them, not sure what he saw, but what an amazing thing !!! I have said how scary our experience was, and how far from perfect  it was, but there is something to be said about watching your baby grow and develop outside of the womb.......